R: "I'm narcissistic, I'm pessimistic, I'm obsessive, I'm insecure, and I'm so afraid of intimacy that every one of my relationships is a journey of self-sabotage that inevitably ends in a black vacuum of shattered expectations and despair."
Felt broken all day. Thankfully I had a couple of books to distract me and keep me company on the couch. Also 10,000 favorite person points if you can place the quote. (Hint: I was watching it when I wrote this.)
C: I had a wonderful potluck dinner with some ZA friends. Our recent conversations have turned to engagements and weddings, and this was no different. M's mom just announced her engagement last night, which is huge but not unexpected. A co-worker, one of the sisters, one of my closest friends from home, another formerly close friend from cross-country, a handful of high school classmates, and one of my best friends from Swells - all either getting married soon, married recently, or recently engaged. It was refreshing to chat with El, Xie and AM - all in relationships, from very new to very long-term. None of them questioned me about when M and I plan to get married, and not one of them seemed to be itching for her own wedding in the next year either. El mentioned "Revolutionary Road", and I couldn't help thinking (though I haven't actually seen it)...what's the rush? Don't get me wrong, M and I have an amazing relationship, but I wonder if other people are just impatient, or if they feel pressured to get married, or if they're just striving for the house+car+2.5 kids by a certain age (and before you beat me down, yes, I know, there are other reasons). Sure, I like to remind M that I need to be married by the time I'm thirty (hey, we are at nearly 5 years now), but in the meantime, I'm happily enjoying the pace of "long term relationship" without the extra expectations that come with marriage. When we finally do get there, the wedding parade of our peers will be tapering off, and we can shine on our own day without competing for guests ;)
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